


the concept of eternity

by candied_stupidity (efflorescent_idiocy)



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, HQ Angst Week, M/M, Post-Canon, Terminal Illnesses, Unhappy Ending, prompt: illness/death, this is an apology to that one anon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflorescent_idiocy/pseuds/candied_stupidity
Summary: Could they have been forever?He doesn't know, but he likes to think they would have.(The clock never stops ticking.)
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996114
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	the concept of eternity

**Author's Note:**

> this is an apology to that one anon i pissed off by using the atsukita tag  
> sorry, take this

"I love you," he whispers, cradling Shinsuke-san's hand between his own.

It - _he_ \- looks so pale and fragile, a far cry from when he was healthy and working in the sunny rice patties every day.

"I know," Shinsuke-san laughs, rare and a little rattly and still the brightest thing in his goddamn universe. "You always tell me, silly."

"Yer dying, Shinsuke-san. I wanna make sure ya can hear it all the time."

"Someone's always watching, 'Tsumu. Even if I forget after I go, they'll let me know for ya, and I'll never forget, anyway," he murmurs, voice trailing off and round eyes glazing over.

"I know you won't, but don't go," he pleads, desperation coloring his voice. "The doctors are here, Shinsuke-san, please stay."

"I'll always try for you, 'Tsumu. No promises though, okay?"

"Shinsuke-san, you can't..."

"Say it properly," he rasps sternly, eyelashes fluttering with the sheer effort needed to keep them open.

He wishes he could look into his eyes for a while - they've always been so beautiful and so hard to see well in pictures.

"...no promises," he finally says, the words pulled out of his unwilling mouth. "Isn't that a promise, though?"

"You know what I mean," he scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Don't play dumb, 'Tsumu."

The nurses swarm around them, a flurry of white clothes and dark hair fiddling with the various machines.

Shinsuke-san closes his eyes and goes to sleep too soon and yet not quickly enough, with a tiny smile on his face.

Atsumu sits at his bedside the entire time, fingers still entwined with his husband's, matching rings rubbing against each other.

"What about the promises we already made, Shinsuke-san?" he whispers into the silence. "How will I keep those promises by myself?"

He leans in to kiss his too-cold cheek before he can get kicked out, hassled as he is by the strict visiting hours.

* * *

"Bye, bitch-face!" he cackles.

He hangs up on 'Samu (ha! he finally hung up first!) and gets ready for bed.

The cutesy fox headband that matches his and the extra toothbrush in the holder hits him like a truck the second he steps into the bathroom.

He stands at the sink for several minutes longer, chest heaving and eyes screwed shut.

These days, he barely remembers to go to practice, let alone take proper care of his skin. Taking care of his basic needs - showering and eating and drinking - has been beaten into him, but almost everything else is negotiable.

He remembers, suddenly, that all of his previous partners had wanted him to choose them over volleyball.

Shinsuke-san is the first one he'd actually picked volleyball over - and of _course_ his husband would pout if he skipped practice to visit.

A pouting Shinsuke-san is much too powerful for any one person to stand, so Atsumu has stopped trying to skip practice.

Atsumu walks out of the bathroom and curls up in bed alone.

There is no Shinsuke-san next to him, only the phantom weight of all the promises they'll never get to fulfill.

'Samu isn't there either, and their promises settle on his other side.

His ring feels like it weighs a million tons, trapping Atsumu and keeping him from ever seeing his husband again.

He loves Shinsuke-san so much it hurts, hurts to see the way he gets weaker and weaker, to see his muscles atrophy and his mind drift farther and farther away.

It's been so long. Atsumu is so very tired.

He thinks Shinsuke-san might be on the edge of another world.

 _This,_ he thinks, _is love in the cruelest way._

And it is, because they're not even legally married. He had proposed only a month before the diagnosis. After, they hadn't had the time or the money to travel somewhere just to get a fancy piece of paper.

He knows it wouldn't have been worth it, anyways - Shinsuke-san had been too sick to even think of considering it.

They were supposed to be forever, but they weren't even getting a fucking shot.

"No promises," he murmurs, voice ragged and eyelids heavy with exhaustion.

He falls asleep crying, his tears seeping into his pillow.

_(Pathetic.)_

* * *

"I wish we weren't so tired, Shinsuke-san."

"I'd like that, too. I think I'm going to leave soon, though. You'll be able to catch up on sleep, then," Shinsuke-san wheezes, breath as harsh as the winter wind in the deathly silence of the hospital room.

"Don't say that. You could still make it, the doctors said people have done it," he whines, though he knows it will do no good against his stubborn husband.

"'Tsumu, there's no doubt about it, not for me at least. I'm not going to make it."

"Please, Shinsuke-san. Let me hope for you. It's the only thing I can do right now."

He's quiet, mulling it over the way he always insists on.

Finally, he speaks, voice low and worried.

"You can't pretend forever, Atsumu."

"I know, but I need to for now."

They're quiet for a few minutes. The shrill, steady beat of the heart monitor is familiar, even comforting by now. He knows it shouldn't be.

"Are ya proud of me, Shinsuke-san?"

He looks up, gaze foggy and yet still as sharp as ever.

"Shinsuke-san?"

He tugs Atsumu down, forcing him to lean over until he can press his mouth against the shell of his ear.

"More than you can ever imagine," he whispers. "I'll be proud of ya to the end of time."

He knows his husband is declaring his love, as strange and dedicated as it always is, as strange and dedicated as he has always been.

"I love you too, Shinsuke-san."

The nurse casts a glance at them, probably completely confused. He fiddles with his pockets and leaves the room as quickly as he can, relief plain as day on his face.

Atsumu snorts.

Shinsuke-san frowns disapprovingly at him, and he quickly stifles any signs of amusement.

They sit through the rest of the visiting hours in silence, and his husband is asleep when he leaves.

_(Shinsuke-san dies in his sleep the next day.)_

**Author's Note:**

> no, he does not get over it. he's gonna pine for the rest of his life
> 
> find me on twt @BloomingIdiocy  
> i post shorter stuff on tumblr! my user is efflorescentidiocy


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